Lessons from Cats: Georgia

My mother always taught me to sort my laundry out before putting in the washer. A nice little pile of whites here, then the darks there, pockets all checked for loose change, but sometimes life doesn’t leave you time to sort, and today just so happened to be one of those days.

“Damn, I’m going to be late!”

Rushing around half dressed, with my hair wrapped up in a towel, I grab as big an armful of laundry from my room as I could. Tossing it into the washer, almost feeling my mother cringe, I quickly run back for a second load. Getting as many clothes into the wash as possible has always been my motto. I like to think I’m saving the planet one wash at a time. Anyway, tumbling back to the laundry room I stuff the rest of my garments into the washing machine and close it up.

So, washers turned on, clothes tumbling around, and I rush off to get ready. I do my hair, makeup, the whole shebang and then I hear someone meowing. Now I have four cats so you’d think meowing wouldn’t be strange, only my cats don’t meow very often. So I left the washroom where I’d been getting ready and started to check some rooms to see of one of the cats had been locked in. I discover Silk and Neemo, and I know Kaeda is outside so that left Georgia…

“Here kitty kitty!”

I hear another meow coming from the laundry room so I walk in and glance around. No sign of a cat at first so I check behind the washing machine since there’s a gap down there and I figure she might have fallen behind. Nothing, but I hear the meowing still and it’s so close it’s like it’s coming from the…” and then it hit me.

“GEORGIA!!!!”

Horrified I pull open the washer door, soapy clothes and water spilling everywhere.

“Georgia?!”

Digging through all the clothes I finally come across a very soaked kitty. It was straight out of Stewart little. Georgia took a few very wobbly steps before I wrapped her up in a blanket to keep her warm.

After a panicked call to my mum and a vet I spent the rest of the day watching over her. Now Georgia was always a special kitten. She was born with a crooked tail and I’d always thought she’d had a few screws loose, but I couldn’t believe she had climbed into the washer. Luckily, after a lot of lay down time and pampering from her guilt ridden owner she soon came around. She took it like a champ.

Now, needless to say, I always check the washing machine before I start it and have found Georgia back in there a few times since then, but I like to think my little kitten has taught me a valuable life lesson.

“When life throws you for a spin, just climb right back in,” -Georgia

Lessons from Cats

I am the proud mum of four rambunctious little kitties with the strongest personalities that I have ever seen on four legs. There’s Georgia, a long haired calico with a crooked tail who’s always had a few screws loose. Then there’s Neemo, my fat calico who thinks she owns the place. Then Kaeda, my slinky calico who leaves crime scenes on my porch, and one little tabby named Silk who thinks she’s a dog. Put them all together and it makes for one crazy little family and a whole lot of accidents. Luckily, I try to learn from every mistake.

The Girl in the Wood

A boy found himself drawn towards the forest by an invisible force. The trees loomed over him and the deeper he went the darker and denser it became. His beating heart matched each crunch of his feet on the forest floor. The wind blew past him, rattling the trees leaves and sending a shiver down to his very core. Still, he pressed on, entranced by the faint humming he heard sweeping through the old bent trees. He followed the musical voice, paying no regard to where he was going and yet he did not trip on any of the trees exposed roots; it was as if he was gliding over the ground.

Then the music stopped, and for a moment the boy feared his heart had done the same as the whole forest stood still. It was a terrible feeling, to be alone in the middle of the woods and yet hear nothing; not birds, no animals, even the wind had stopped. The boy waited, afraid to be the one to break the silence, but then the tiniest laugh echoed past the trees and brought a warmth with it that he had never felt before.

“Shhh…” a soft voice whispered through the trees and the boys legs were propelled forward as he pushed past a wall of brush coming to an abrupt halt in a large open clearing. The boy’s head tilted up as he gazed in awe at the deep, blue sky above him. He leaned forward, surveying the land; his eyes coming to rest on the figure of a young girl standing in the middle of the clearing.

The girl smiled at him and started up her soft humming that drowned out the rest of the world so only her voice could be heard. She wore a frilled, blue dress of lace and yet branches seemed to grow from its very fabric. The girl’s hair was like golden sunlight, but among its ringlets sat a bird’s nest, nestled into the waves of her tresses. The boy could never have imagined something as beautiful as she and yet he could not bring himself to walk towards her.

“Shhh…” she whispered again, pressing a delicate finger to her lips as she suppressed a soft giggle and twirled for him, although she did not move from her spot. Her dress frilled out as she spun, lifting into the air and revealed to him the rough brown bark that was her legs. The girl giggled again as her dress came back to rest and she blew the boy a small kiss.

“Come and visit me…” she smiled and her eyes twinkled like stars, so beautiful that the boy could not take his eyes off them, forgetting, or rather not caring about the tree trunk that was the girl’s legs. She twirled on the spot for him again, the place where wood met skin giving off a glow that allowed her to move.

“Please visit me… please… Please!” and suddenly the girl’s voice became shrill and panicked and the sound of metal and industrial machines pierced the air. There was a blinding light and the boy backed away shielding his eyes and tumbling backwards onto the mossy ground.

“Help me!” the girl screamed again but the boy could not bring his eyes to open, could not bring himself to look upon the blinding scene before him and when the quietness fell over the forest again and the chill of night filled the air, he finally opened his eyes and found himself no longer in a forest, but in a graveyard. Where tall mighty trees once stood, now only stumps were left and he looked at the center of the clearing, not to find the girl, but to find the stump that had been left behind. The boy felt an aching in his heart, a hole that could never be filled and he wished, more than anything, that he had done something to stop it.

Comedic Hassles: A Night Out

I am a firm believer of keeping the romance alive in a relationship, so after my boyfriend and I started to fall into the university rut, sleep, eat, school, I skillfully implanted the thought of going out for dinner one night in his head.

“Get up you are taking me out for dinner.”

I truly have a way with people.

So that night, we got dressed in our finest of clothes, getting more bubbly with excitement with each passing minute, until we were finally dressed and ready to walk in the nice cool night to enjoy dinner at a fancy restaurant, but as we started to leave the apartment we hit our first obstacle.

“It’s raining…” My boyfriend remarked, failing to see the torrential downpour that laid before us.

Nevertheless, we did not let this deter us and we zipped up our jackets and headed out into the “drizzle” for a much colder than expected walk to the restaurant.

Finally, we came upon the institution and upon shaking out our jackets and wet hair we were greeted by a waitress who kindly hit us with our second obstacle.

“May I please see your IDs?”

We were then promptly forced to leave after not being old enough to enjoy dinner at their fine establishment, even if alcohol was not planned on being consumed. So there we were, standing by the side of the road as the sky continued to pelt us with canonball sized raindrops. We were all dressed up and about to face the walk back when suddenly a light in the distance caught our eyes. It was our salvation, and we both smiled at each other before asking,

“Tims?”

So sitting in our soaked dress clothes and sharing a box of Timbits we had our romantic date at a Tim Hortons down the street and now we continue to return there from time to time and share in the enjoyment of life’s comedic hassles.

Comedic Hassles: The Gorge

Heights are not my thing. Falling is not my thing. So you would think that on my vacation away from school I would not be driving, in a car, with my boyfriend, towards a gorge, to jump off a bridge, to my most certain death… Yet here I am.

“Come on it will be so much fun!”

“No.”

“At least try and enjoy yourself, you’re already in the car.”

Well at least that was true. I am in the car. Because he threw me over his shoulder and put me in here. Well basically did. Kinda.

“Just jump off once. It’s really not that bad, plus lots of people have done it and haven’t died. One jump won’t kill you.”

Disappointingly enough the cute eyes he used on me after saying that finally broke me and I’d decided to jump off with him, once. Besides, he’d said it wasn’t that high.

“OH MY GOSH!”

“What? It’s not that high.”

“Where’s the water?”

He just rolled his eyes at me and jumped and I prepared myself for the single life. Boys like a widow right? Needless to say, he didn’t die, and he returned to me in one piece. I, on the other hand, got sunburned and vowed never to returned to the gorge again. I am much more suited for a casual stroll through a field of wildflowers and butterflies, but good luck finding a boy to go with, so naturally I ended up back at the gorge on multiple occasions.

Comedic Hassles: Bubble Trouble

So maybe living on my own was not the best decision of my life… I have to wash my own clothes, cook my own dinner and clean up after myself. Well, at least the first two things anyway. But honestly, I am quite proud of myself. I even managed to do my first load of dishes in the dishwasher. I am such a domesticated person. I even invited my boyfriend over for a home cooked meal of Kraft Dinner. I am just too smart for my own good. Although, the arrival of my boyfriend may have proved otherwise.

“Hey sweetie I’m… OH MY DEAR LAWRD!”

“What? What? W- OH MY DEAR LAWRD!”

So perhaps, just maybe, when I was putting in the dishwasher soap, I may have, quite possibly put in regular dishwashing soap instead and caused a massive wall of bubbles to come billowing out of the dishwasher, maybe… Luckily, my boyfriend was there and he started cleaning up the bubbles so that I could finish supper.

“Hello? Is this the Chinese takeout place?”

Being domesticated can be so hard.

Comedic Hassles: Mother Nature has a Cruel Sense of Humour

So apparently the cat belongs to my neighbours upstairs. They’d forgotten to let it in last night and the dumb thing took its distress out on me. Actually, I kinda enjoy the little guy. He comes and visits me every now and then and watches the rodents.

“The Rodents! Oh my gosh I completely forgot to clean their cage! How can a couple little critters poop so much!”

Unfortunately, I hadn’t had much training with pet care. Being the youngest meant that it was always my older sister’s job to clean litter boxes and pick up after the dog, so I’d have to figure this out myself. Well naturally, the first thing to do would be to get them out of there. Luckily, I had just finished off a box of cereal this morning so I dropped them in there to wait. Next would be to actual clean… Guess I can just dump all the bedding in the garbage… then I can wash the cage out in the tub.

“Yes! That’s it! I am a genius!”

Quite pleased with myself I went about making my rodents home habitable again. I couldn’t wait to put the rodents back into their neat and tidy little home. The only issue… the rodents had gone. I tipped the cereal box upside down and shook it, desperately trying to make them appear out of thin air. Then my eyes looked onto the demon kitty, sitting by the door licking its paws.

“Mew.”

Well that was the last time I let the neighbour’s cat visit me, and if I already hadn’t had enough stress as is that night my mother called to catch up. I didn’t really have much to say.

“Your father told me you go some rodents? How are they? Are you enjoying them?”

“Well someone did.”

Comedic Hassles: Things that go Bump in the Night

Living on your own always sounds nice until you actually do. Sure during the day you’re sitting on the couch in your undies eating peanut butter with a spoon, but then night hits and there’s no daddy there to take on the robbers and psycho killers for you.

Luckily, I’m used to facing the horrors of the night on my own. My dad was a lazy butt. As a kid I’d run to his room at night in fear of the new monster wanting to eat me and he’d tell me to go sleep in the spare room. So naturally, when I heard a weird noise coming from outside I was fully composed and walked calmly to the door.

“Oh My Gosh what in the world was that! Dad! Dad! Dad! Help me!”

Knowing full well that my dad, who wouldn’t walk five meters to scare away the monsters for his 6 year old daughter, was not going drive an hour and a half to save his 18 year old one, I still called him.

“Dad, there’s something outside! It’s making a horrible yowling noise, like a rat being drowned in a pickle jar.”

That’s when my dad hung up. It was then that I realised I really was on my own. So bravely I walked towards the door, armed with the remote and opened it.

“Meow”

It was a cat…

Comedic Hassles: Furry, Poop Covered Idiots

I bought myself some rodents and I must say, they aren’t very bright. They just run around their wheel all day and poop on each other. Regardless, they are my furry idiots that I bought with my own money, which my parents gave me. They are fun to watch though, just running around mindlessly. I don’t know why dad never let me get some as a kid. They aren’t much work at all. I just got them today and all I had to do was throw them into the cage and they entertain themselves. I like to think that this was how I was as a child. All cute and cuddly and busy playing in my own little world. Oh I think I’ll just have to pick one up!

IT BIT ME!!! I reached in to pick it up and it bit me! Guess I was more like them as a child than I thought…

Comedic Hassles: The Dungeon

My apartment is an absolute dungeon! I walk down a staircase of skeletons in order to get to my basement apartment. Mother says I’m exaggerating and the place was a great deal. I’m not saying the place wasn’t a good deal, I’m just saying it was probably home to murderers. Luckily, I am what people call an insane optimist. Why, the walls could be home to asbestos and you would still find me smiling, though I’d probably be dead. Mother has assured me though that the place is asbestos free, at least that’s what they say.

Anyway, with some tiding up, which I’m sure I can convince my mum to do, the place may actually be livable. Then I can do whatever I want…